Are you putting yourself first, recognizing what your needs are? It can be challenging to believe that your needs matter, especially when confronted with the needs of others around you, but it’s essential that you do.

Think about babies. They will scream and cry until they get their needs met. We still have the same needs we had as babies, but as adults, we push those needs down and focus on other things. Putting ourselves first isn’t selfish. It’s important. Here are 3 reasons why you should put yourself first, and 3 tips for how to do so without feeling guilty.

Why You Should Put Yourself First

1. It’s the best gift to the world.

   When the head is sick, the body is sick. If you’re not taking care of yourself, you can’t take care of the people around you that need your support and love. Whether it’s your children, your job, your spouse, or your parents, if you are sick, chances are your household will not be well either.

2. You can only control yourself.

   You are only responsible for your actions, not the actions of other people. You can do a lot of things with the best intentions, trying to take care of other people, and it could backfire. It could not be appreciated, reciprocated, or well received. Sometimes taking care of other people doesn't actually take care of them and makes us feel worse.

3. When we rescue others, we don’t allow them to grow.

   When others find themselves in trouble, do we give them the opportunity to learn from their mistakes? If you don’t allow others to fix their own mistakes, they don’t grow, they don’t mature, and they don’t get better. Everyone deserves to learn how to stand on their own two feet. This is how they gain the self-confidence to believe that they can overcome their challenges.

How to Put Yourself First Without Feeling Guilty

1. Remember hierarchy is for order, not importance.

   When you start to put yourself first, keep in mind that you’re not putting your ego first, you’re putting yourself first so that you can take care of other people. You’re not saying you’re more important than the people around you. You’re establishing a hierarchy to maintain order. You’re the head, which needs to be taken care of so everyone else can be taken care of. Listen to your body and align it with your mind and soul.

2. Understand why you feel selfish.

   From a young age, we internalize that we’re not supposed to be happy if other people are sad. If you feel this temptation to shrink yourself, be curious. Understand what makes you do that. Sharing your good news with someone else may give them the encouragement to move forward or the motivation and inspiration to stand up and follow in your footsteps. Understanding this tendency can help us get over the guilt of choosing good things for ourselves, even if others around us are having a hard time.

3. Deal with your unworthiness.

   A lot of times we take care of others instead of ourselves and choose not to focus on the good things in our lives because we don’t feel like we’re worthy of that attention. All behavior is a form of communication. When you focus on other people and you don’t focus on yourself, what are you communicating? You’re saying you’re not important, or that other people are more important than you. You should care for others, but not if you are neglecting yourself in the process.

Take the first step in putting yourself first. If this is challenging for you, be curious. Are you feeding your ego or are you feeding your soul? If you’re feeding your soul, then it’s something that you need, and I would encourage you to take care of yourself.