Understanding Your Inner Critic

Like many of you, I have a strong inner critic. And like many of you, I’ve had to develop strategies to overcome my inner critic. Even though it may feel like you can’t get away from that constantly critical voice in your head, understanding where it comes from can help you overcome it.

What is an inner critic?

Let’s start by defining the inner critic. An inner critic is that inner voice that says you can't do something or questions your decisions and who you are. Nearly everybody has an inner critic and has to deal with it to varying degrees. Understandably, regardless of who you are, it can impact your self-worth.

Here are some examples of what an inner critic can sound like:

If you plan to go to activities an inner voice says:

• Nobody's going to like you.
• Nobody's going to talk to you.
• You're not going to have a good time.
• People are going to ignore you.

Or if you want to start a business, that inner voice says:

• It's not going to work.
• You don't have enough money.
• Wait until this happens.
• The world is saturated with ideas like yours.

Where does an inner critic come from?

So how did we all get such a critical voice in our heads? The inner critic develops during childhood. We know that as children, our survival is based on the people around us. So we are extra sensitive to how the people around us respond to us. When we're kids and people are disappointed in our actions and our behaviors, we may get a look or a tone, and we can't quite articulate our emotions. Maybe we grew up in a house where we couldn't ask questions.

When this happens, we don't know the difference between that tone of voice or look being directed at us or at our actions. So we internalize it. As we get older and we make mistakes, that inner voice tells us, “See, I told you you couldn't do it. See, I told you people were gonna laugh at you. See, I told you that wasn't gonna work.”

Over time that inner voice continues to reinforce these negative thoughts and beliefs. But with practice, that same internal voice can learn how to reinforce positive thoughts and beliefs about ourselves instead.

Take time to notice your inner critic and second-guess what it is telling you. It’s a new year, and now's the perfect time to stop that inner voice from talking to us as we learn how to overcome it.